Pathetic...

Disclaimer: I started this post when Josie was 5 months old. She is now 8 months old, and I've committed to getting back into the swing of things with this blog, hoping to keep family and friend updated. If you wanted the story of Josie's birth (minus the ugly details...here it is!)


That's the perfect adjective to describe me as a blogger! Oh, my! Well, I do hate excuses. However, would you believe that we've been a little busy around here? Our sweet Josie Ann Winburn is now five (yes, FIVE) months old as of last Friday. If it's even possible, I love her more each day. She brings so much joy to our lives, and we are beyond thankful for the blessing she is!

Everything in life happens for a reason. I've always believed that, but we have lived that saying over the past five months. As some of you may know, our Josie was born with some issues causing her to end up in the NICU for her first week with us. I haven't shared the full story, so I'll attempt it here. Hang on...

As I was nearing the end of my third trimester, the doctors started closely watching my blood pressure. I had some serious swelling in my lower extremities from 25 weeks on, and they were concerned that I'd develop pre-eclampsia (a serious condition affecting mommy's blood pressure that can be deadly.) I was limited to working half days at school, and since Josie was predicted to be above 8 pounds, the doctors decided to induce me at 39 weeks. We were scheduled to go to Baptist for our induction on Sunday, October 14th. I was to have a foley bulb induction (something I'd heard horror stories about.) Well, the induction worked...even though I realized that I'd been contracting all weekend prior to the induction. The nurse just laughed. Here I am...a nurse, and I didn't even know I was having contractions for days. Monday morning of October 15th came early. They started pitocin early, and even though I had some set backs that morning (two epidurals since the first didn't work), things were going well. In fact, not to sound like super mama, but I really never was begging for the epidural. The nurse kept checking on me, and I never was in any extreme pain. That would soon change! An hour went by, and I had dilated 5 cm. That's unheard of, especially for the first baby. So, here we were. I was 8 cm, and we knew the doctor anticipated Josie being here by mid-late afternoon. Not too shabby. We were so excited. Well, 10cm was upon us, and you know what time it was. Pushing time! Dr. Odom said he'd allow me two hours. "Please," I thought. "I'll have this girl here in 30 minutes."

It didn't work like that.

You see, I worked hard....very hard. The nurses kept telling me I was doing "everything right." However, no Josie. Miss Priss decided that she didn't want to/couldn't make that special turn in the birth canal to come and meet us. Her heart rate was perfect on the monitor throughout the whole day. I tried for 2 1/2 hours....and no baby. At this point, the epidural had stopped working. Unfortunately, I never reaped the full benefits of an epidural. Josie's foot was in my ribs for a big portion of labor, and I thought I might have to just come off of that table! In full surrender, I sadly agreed to go to c-section for us to meet sweet Josie. The pain at this point was overwhelming. My epidural had completely stopped working, and I felt every contraction. Birthing a baby ain't for the wimpy. I thought I would snap the arm rail of that bed in half. I was rushed to the OR, and they promised me a quick spinal anesthesia procedure. They were right. I immediately got another spinal pain medicine, and I was good to go. No, my plan did not include Josie being born via c-section, but I did want her healthy. Oh well. At least we'd have her soon, I thought. 

I could not have been more wrong. What happened next was without a doubt one of the best and worst experiences of my life.

You dream about the moment that you will see your baby, hear them cry, quickly count their fingers and toes, and become a mommy. My moment was so beautiful. I've never loved Andrew more, and without a doubt--I've never loved anyone at first sight like Josie. She was beautiful and perfect. Apgar scores were 8 and 9 (out of 10)! They whisked Josie away with Andrew to newborn nursery, while I stayed put. After all, I was open on an OR table. My c-section was awesome. The doctors, nurses and I had the best time. We laughed, made jokes, I threw up a few times, laughed about it, and so on...Yes, I may have lost a little too much blood, but that's why I chose an amazing OB practice. Dr. Odom definitely did his job! I was sent to recovery with no complications. 

I remember laying in recovery and thinking of nothing but Josie. I couldn't wait to get my hands on her! I watched the clock like a hawk, knowing that the nursery nurse was probably giving her newborn medications, weighing her, obtaining length/head circumference measurements, and probably getting footprints. I tried to imagine the whole thing in my head. Time passed, and no Andrew or Josie. I was beginning to think something was wrong. Maybe she was just a little cold and needed to warm up, maybe they needed to get a blood sugar (since I was a borderline gestational diabetic--that's another story), maybe she was just so cute and our family was snapping away with the cameras. At this point...I just wanted my baby. 

When Andrew walked through the door alone, my heart sank. I knew something was wrong. Andrew told me that Josie was not breathing like she should, and I immediately when into nurse interrogation mode. Was she on the ventilator? What was her color like? Did they have a mask on her? Was her blood sugar too low? I went on and on...and of course, Andrew didn't know the answers. I was so helpless. Here I was (in recovery), and if I could have moved my legs, I would have sprinted to my baby. Our sweet nurse came into recovery to update me. I cried as she explained Josie's situation. Josie was experiencing transient tachypnea of the newborn, or TTN. Basically, something like 1% of infants experience TTN. Babies either have trouble clearing fluid from the lungs or extra fluid remains causing rapid and labored breathing, or respiratory distress. These babies need oxygen support and special monitoring for a period of time. Usually, they recover completely with no lasting side effects from the condition. That's the problem in a nut shell. Unfortunately, Josie was monitored in newborn nursery (and not NICU) for the first 24 hours. I believe she should have gone to NICU directly, but that was not the case. Since babies with TTN do not need any extra stimulation or added stress, I knew I wouldn't be able to hold Josie until her breathing normalized. 

As I sit and type this, I am transported back in time and filled with same emotions that consumed me. Andrew and I felt so helpless. As I was transported to my postpartum room, we passed Josie in the hall way. The doctors, respiratory therapists, and nurses were wheeling her to the nursery for the evening. Obviously, we knew she'd stay there under observation. I was allowed to put my hand through the peep holes of the isolette and touch my sweet baby. It wasn't enough, but it was ten million times better than nothing. Andrew and I spent that night without our Josie...so different from what we'd anticipated. We prayed for her quick transition out of TTN. Throughout the night, Andrew checked on Josie. After the c-section, I was bedridden until the morning. It was pure torture knowing that Josie was just across the hall, but I couldn't physically access her. 

The next day was full of more torture. Josie wasn't doing better. In fact, it seemed she was worse. Thankfully, I learned that I'd be able to get out of bed that day to go see her. I clearly remember my mom and mother in law's faces as they came to our room after peeking at Josie through the nursery windows. Both of them had tears in their eyes, and I knew she was not okay. Tuesday afternoon, Andrew wheeled me over to see our baby. We were helpless. Josie was not okay, and we knew this wasn't going to resolve on its own. The NICU doctors came to evaluate Josie further, and the decision was made to transport her down the hall for closer monitoring and observation. I was crushed and relieved at the same time. 

Knowing what Josie was experiencing was the worst initiation into parenthood possible. She was being hooked up to monitors, an IV inserted, a tube down her throat into her stomach, etc. We just wanted to make it all better for her. However, this was our first experience of seeing how resillant our Josie could be. She was a little trooper. Josie was placed on CPAP (similar to a breathing machine used to help patients with sleep apnea.) CPAP provides a continuous airway pressure, which is less stressful on the airways than mechanical ventilation. Initially, Josie's settings were high. She was requiring a good bit of oxygen support. However, Josie settled in and began to make drastic improvements over the days that followed. By Wednesday, we were able to hold her. It was the ultimate delayed gratification. I can't remember how long I held her, but I remember two things: 1. How it felt to hold our baby girl, and 2.She didn't cry at all. She just snuggled up close, and she rested. Her breathing even felt normal! It was a moment I'll never, ever, ever, ever forget. 


Ever...

Over the next few days, God worked a miracle in Josie. Every day brought improvement, and we were able to watch it all. By Thursday, I had to be discharged home...without my baby. Don't ever take a "normal" moment for granted. Taking my baby home from the hospital was something that I hadn't given a second thought, until our ordeal with Josie. It was such an empty feeling. I'd planned on staying in Josie's NICU room (baptist has an awesome rooming in set-up.) However, with recovering from a c-section (which is doable, but not easy)...I knew I'd need some help throughout the night. I also didn't think I'd be able to get up and down on the small couch bed available. By Thursday night we were giving Josie her first bath (something she should've gotten the day she was born.) Over the next few days, our parents got to hold Josie. I was able to savor every moment of my mom holding my baby. It was truly precious. By Saturday morning, her CPAP was gone and she was breathing normal room air with no assistance. She even got to watch the Carolina/Florida game with us in her room (which we lost). Because of the limited space in NICU and Josie's improved condition, the doctors decided to transfer her to a step down NICU unit. I was apprehensive about it, even though I knew it meant she was better. Sunday came, and we were told that Josie was well enough to go home. However, the doctors wanted her to finish her course of antibiotics. My maternal grandparents and dad held her for the first time that day. I can still remember watching them hold sweet Josie. On Tuesday, just over a week after she was born, we got to take our Josie home.

You may not think so, but I actually left a good bit out of that story. Some good things...some bad things. One thing is certain, God truly blessed us with our little girl, Josie. We will never take her entrance into this world for granted. Therefore, we will never take her life for granted. Years ago, babies like Josie would not have made it. Today, because of God and the workmanship of people he has gifted as doctors and nurses, we have a sweet, smiling, happy girl. 

We have had other issues with Miss Josie since then: milk/soy protein intolerance, RSV, two hospitalizations in January, etc. Through it all, God is faithful and keeps her safe and happy. We couldn't be more thankful to him, and we know He has special plans for our daughter. We're privileged to just be a part of her growth and knowledge of God. We love her so much.

I hope you've enjoyed this rather long post of details about Josie's birthday. We're hoping her 1st birthday is a little less eventful! ;-)